How to Heal from Relationship Trauma: A Recovery Guide
Four years ago, I made the most terrifying and liberating choice of my life: I told my ex-husband I was done, and I was leaving him. At the time, he was the only family or security I had in the world.
But I had also just met three powerful women who made a profound impact on my life and my choices.
Healing From Relationship Trauma: The Moment Everything Changed
Two days later, I drove to Mount Shasta to teach my first Phoenix Immersion Retreat in that location. Sitting in that circle of women, I saw glimpses of my future, and my desire to support other women like me to heal from the hidden wounds of trauma, financial and emotional abuse, and broken trust.
If you look closely at pictures from that retreat, you’ll see my hesitancy and exhaustion of keeping something from falling apart. But beneath it all, I was strong. This time, I finally meant it. It took me 22 years.
● 22 years of loyalty to a man who never fully chose me.
● 22 years of waiting in response, silencing my own voice.
● 22 years of living with the ache of not being seen.
My history of disappointments and bereavement, both in childhood and the relationships I chose as a young adult, had trained me to settle for less than I deserved. Again and again, I abandoned myself, until that day.
It wasn’t about leaving him, though I’m fairly certain he will never see it that way. We are still entangled in appellate court – a choice he made.
That day in September of 2021 was all about choosing myself.
It was the moment I stopped abandoning my own life to carry someone else’s.
The moment of my reclamation, when I finally said: my dreams, my safety, my life matter.
And I stuck with it, even when my decision shattered me into pieces small enough to swallow. In the end, divorce is not about leaving. It is about returning home to yourself.
Living Through Loss
For a long time afterward, I didn’t feel beautiful. I didn’t feel like a whole person. But I am deeply grateful to everyone who reminded me to start loving myself again, including the partner who came soon after.
They stepped in. They helped me gather the pieces. They held me in ways I will never forget.
And yet, not one of those relationships remains in my life today.
That is the paradox of healing trauma: you often lose everything you once clung to to become who you truly are. I had to let go of everything I once loved.
So yes, I understand loss, healing from grief, and bereavement. I know the loneliness of navigating broken intimacy, the sting of domestic abuse, and the deep ache of trust issues that follow.
And still, four years later, I stand rooted in that choice, and grateful for the woman who was brave enough to lovingly walk herself back home.
A Toolbox for Navigating Relationship Trauma
The following practices are more than tips; they’re foundational pieces of the Phoenix Immersion Retreat, and the program I created, which has helped me reclaim my life and now helps others do the same.
Reconnect With Yourself
We begin by unpacking relationship triggers and trauma patterns, noticing how they show up in daily life. This step fosters kindness toward yourself and others, and lays the groundwork for healthier intimacy.
Somatic Practices & Nervous System Healing
When you heal the nervous system, you heal the emotional body. Through grounding, breathwork, and meditative practice, you calm hypervigilance and rebuild a felt sense of safety, an essential step after trauma, domestic abuse, or emotional neglect.
Tools for Soothing Triggers
When triggered, identify what you feel, steady your body, and orient to the present moment. From there, step into the functional adult self: calm, accountable, values based, and capable of making clear decisions.This includes the “3 Questions” boundary exercise, a quick check to create clarity and set limits:
What is happening inside me right now?
What do I need to be safe and respectful here?
What is my clear request or limit?
Reparenting the Self
We practice reparenting the tender self with protective boundaries and affirmations that strengthen self worth.
Energy Practices and Reiki
We move through Grounding, Golden Sun, and Protection Rose meditations, along with other practices that balance and run energy, and we conclude with a Reiki attunement on the final day.
Healing Core Issues
We explore the roots of carried shame, feelings of being “less than” or “too much,” and the trust issues born of early wounding. Participants are guided in reframing these beliefs so they can build new foundations for intimacy and partnership.
Conscious Relationship Skills
Through discussion and guided exercises, you learn tools to become a better partner, family member, or friend. This includes practicing accountability, building safe boundaries, and fostering connection without losing yourself.
Reclaiming Joy, Intimacy, and Love
As trauma heals, intimacy shifts. Participants often report feeling more present, more compassionate, and more alive. This helps you start creating the relationships you once only dreamed of.
Spiritual & Intuitive Integration
Healing is not only emotional but also spiritual. As old wounds dissolve, participants often experience heightened empathy, intuitive awareness, and a deeper spiritual alignment and connection.
Healing Relationship Trauma : Why it Matters
Relationship trauma is not just about heartbreak. It’s about trauma, emotional abuse, lost intimacy, bereavement, and broken trust that echo through the body and soul. But healing is possible. In fact, healing is inevitable if you are willing to walk yourself back home, taking one brave choice at a time.
Andrea Love is a counselor-in-training, trauma-informed PsychoSpiritual Practitioner, and host of the Loving Everything Podcast. Through her retreats, writing, and one-on-one work, she helps people navigate trauma, transform grief into power, and return home to themselves. She is an absolutely gifted healer, known for her ability to hold space for deep transformation & resolution. If this story resonates with you, join her next Phoenix Immersion Retreat, November 28–30, 2025 in Portland, Oregon.
@psychiccheerleader
